Why I decided not to go to Gatsby's funeral

Even though I always appreciated the way that Gatsby was careful and considering in his actions, I feel no desire or obligation to go to his funeral. The whole affair surrounding his death had been a catastrophe and I knew that the careless and fluttering people who knew him in life would have no better things to say of him in death. I wish things had turned out differently, but I’m smart enough not to hold onto the past like Gatsby did. I just want to move on from everything that happened, and I can’t do that if I hold onto sentimentality. Gatsby was different from the reckless people who tramped to his parties every weekend or those who made blind assumptions of him both during and after his life. He was a nice guy, but he’s dead now and me going to his funeral isn’t going to change that. 

Why I told Nick that I was engaged...

I told Nick that I was engaged to another man so he would see how little I cared about him. I wanted him to believe that he didn’t matter to me, and that I could have any man that I desired. I know that it wasn’t the most mature thing to do, since it wasn’t true, but I feel that it was acceptable under the circumstances. I was hurt and angry and I wanted to make Nick hurt and angry as well. I don’t think that I was successful because Nick did not react in the way I had expected. I know Nick loved me to some extent and his acceptance of my engagement seemed unfitting in the situation. 

What I was thinking when Tom confronted Gatsby

The entire evening had been stifling and suffocated under the weight of Gatsby and Daisy’s affair. When Tom spoke the words, “What kind of a row are you trying to cause in my house anyhow,” everyone knew it was all in the open. I could see the relief spread across Gatsby’s face in an almost childish glee as Daisy was simultaneously filled with panic. I must admit, that I too was relieved that the underlying tension was gone, but I was not particularly looking forward to the uncomfortable moments ahead. As the conflict escalated I glanced to Nick who looked just as helpless as I felt. I liked to hear about others issues and infidelities – not be in the middle of them. Nick and I tried to go but Tom and Gatsby insisted that we stay put. I felt that it was unfair for me and Nick to suffer through the emotions of these loud and careless people, but it looked like we were trapped in this situation for the time being.

What I was thinking when Gatsby asked to speak with me in private...

It came as a surprise when Gatsby’s butler invited me to come up and speak with Gatsby. Although I was puzzled at first, I began to piece together his motive for inviting me up. I hadn't realized Gatsby was the same military man that Daisy had dated five years ago until I mentioned his name to Nick in Daisy’s presence. That same night, Daisy came to me with urgency to ask how I knew Gatsby. This all came to make sense to me at the party. They were both still lingering on the romance that they had shared all those years ago. As Gatsby explained his plan to drop by while Daisy was visiting Nick, I came to see how simple it all was. Gatsby had bought that big house, and had all those parties just for her. And now, such a small task as having tea with her had become some great mission in his eyes. The grave manner in which Gatsby discussed his plan made his love for her all the more evident. I was flabbergasted by his foolish affection, but I could also see the sweetness of it. It was foolish and sweet. At the end of the night, I caught up with Nick again. I wanted so badly to spill all of the information I had just gained, but I had sworn that I wouldn't speak of it. 

What I was feeling when Nick broke up with me...

I was furious that he had the audacity to break up with me over the phone. It was entirely impersonal and I believe he owed me more than that. I didn’t fully love him, but I definitely had feelings for him. Since he displayed such little regard for me, I resolved to stop caring about him. Feeling hurt in this way was a new experience for me though and it took a while for me to gain my bearings again. By the time Nick came to visit me I felt numb towards him and worked to maintain an indifferent attitude. He spoke with me for a while and we shook hands. Before he could leave I felt my anger prickling beneath the surface. I knew Nick prided himself in his straightforward nature, so I made a comment belittling his honesty. I felt satisfaction in seeing the anger on his face as he left. 

What I was feeling when Myrtle called Tom during dinner....

When I heard the telephone ring I knew some kind of excitement would follow. After all, for what reason would a person interrupt a household during dinner time? The butler whispered into Tom's ear and he left the table. I could see that Daisy was upset by this. In an unsuccessful attempt to continue casual conversation, she compared her cousin Nick to a rose. This description was most unfitting of him. Although I disliked seeing Daisy upset, I was still intrigued by the drama. Things can become so boring at times, and an incident like this had the potential to really spice up the evening. After Daisy threw down her napkin and followed Tom into the house, all of my previous concern was gone and I was lost to the excitement of the moment. I glanced toward Nick and then focused my attention on the commotion inside of the house. He tried to say something but I abruptly shushed him. My heart quickened as I heard faint murmurs and strained to make out the words. Nick interrupted my concentration, mentioning something about Gatsby. Out of frustration I cut him off, "Don't talk. I want to hear what happens" I said in a warning voice. To my surprise, Nick expressed that he had no idea what was happening. This revelation pushed my annoyance aside. Both spreading and receiving gossip is almost tantalizing to me, so I quickly divulged the news of Tom's affair. The look of puzzlement had barely left Nick's face by the time Tom and Daisy returned. I quickly changed my demeanor from intrigued to disinterested. I listened to Daisy's tense chatter and saw Tom's miserable expression, yet these observations did not trouble me. I am experienced at remaining calm in tense situations. Even as the telephone cried out again, I paid it no attention. The drama had passed for now, and I was ready to move on with the evening as if nothing had happened.